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My name is David Rivera and I am senior majoring in entrepreneurship with a minor in marketing. I believe the best part of my major is the ...
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Updated Version: https://sites.google.com/s/0BwNBfRJVQpXFZFQ5VUxlaUtVWjg/p/1pmh3roT7niytqROySMVTPY2JlK04QHgU/edit (Circe Offering the Cu...
Hi David! Great first story! I love that you used real characters that people are familiar with. I was wondering what the buried treasure what about what Paul Walker was about to shoot Johnny Tran. I also was a little confused at first as I thought maybe this was occurring in the afterlife of some sort. But, after reading your note, I understand now.
ReplyDeleteWhat if instead of having the two race around a track, you had them do more of a Grand Theft Auto chase where they are dodging other people in the city and such. I feel like that would amp up the intensity quite a bit!
Overall, it was a well written story and I really enjoyed the dialog as it made the story easy to read and enjoyable!
Hello David! One of the things that I love about your story is that it sets a perfect setting. I think by saying where the people are and when this is occurring truly allows he reader to visualize the events taking place. I also like how you have the showing off of Paul Walker around the city as your version of the Achilles chariot pull. One of the things I wondered about was the treasure that Johnny Trans mentioned. I also wonder how Paul Walker was able to evade all of the cops so easily. I was thinking what if you decided to have Paul Walker actually take the pink slips that were offered before killing him. Another thing I was thinking was what if instead of Paul Walker never being seen again you lead into another tale of Paul Walker.
ReplyDeleteAll in all this story was extremely entertaining and well written. I loved the picture you used and I think your description was perfect. Great Job!
Hey, David! I really loved this retelling. It was great that you used well-known characters for this retelling but still captured the essence of the original story so well. I also really enjoyed how it felt a little bit like a Clint Eastwood movie - with the Colt .45 and Paul Walker riding off into the sunset - it worked really well. The only notes I really have is to maybe consider changing the race portion to something more like street racing just to fit the characters better - but I understand why you used a track as it fits the original story better. I would also consider revising the "Paul Walker was never seen again" section and consider writing a story where he tries to find out what treasure Johnny Tran was talking about - that might be fun. Either way, your descriptions were killer (pun completely intended) and they kept the action going and the reader engaged. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi David! I really enjoyed your story! I loved how creative you were to make this based on the Fast and Furious Series! I think it really helped add a new take on the traditional story of the killing of Hector. This story is funny for me because my brother made me watch the movie Troy a lot growing up so I have a real mental image of the story your telling which was cool! I also liked that you made it less serious and more fun and related it to something we all know at least a little about! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHi David!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you added a modern twist to this story and how you added real, well-known people to this story. I have never thought of retelling a story like that, I think it is very creative. Also, I like the design of your page. It is simple and not too much. I also really liked how you gave a setting for your story. This really helped me to picture where everything was going on. To me this is a very important aspect of a story, as I am a very visual person. The setting of your story also made another modern change, which is a great way to retell stories and make them more interesting to people of this day. I also liked how there was humor to this story. A lot of the stories we read for this class are more serious, so this was a nice change. Another thing I liked was how you included videos. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
Hi David! I find it interesting and creative that you use Fast and Furious as the theme for your first story. I really enjoy it. I have never watched a Fast and Furious movies before so I don't really know how each character behaved, but I definitely see the resemblance between Achilles and Paul Walker. I feel bad for laughing at the part where Johnny Tran was "shook" when he saw Paul Walker (because I would be shook too!). I also like that you balance out the dialogues as well as the description of the setting quite well. I like your website layout as well because the color is easy on the eyes and I have no problem reading through the white text. And unlike others, you use videos instead of images and I think that is great and clever. I look forward to read more story from you. Good job!
ReplyDeleteDavid, let me just tell you that your posts are living up to your portfolio title. I love that you tie in stories that many college students are familiar with because it keeps your reading drawn in and entertained! Your Step Brothers 2 story is awesome to say the least. From the recaps to adding in small detailing like the parents meeting on tinder, you had me cracking up!
ReplyDeleteI also love how you introduced their first ever hit. If anyone reading has seen the original Step Brothers movie, that paragraph can almost be pictured in my head as it is happening.
Your dialogue matches the personalities of the characters in the movie so well. I could hear their voices in my head as I read them.
Way to go on creating such an amazing story! I look forward to reading your next one as I know it will be great just like the last 2 have been!
Hey David, I really like how you're using movies and people from recent years to retell these stories. I really enjoyed the dialogue you set up between all the characters in the first story. I've never seen step brothers myself but I've heard great things. During the first story, there were some questions I had about why you chose to use the actors as opposed to the character names from the stories. I also liked the photo's and video links. Because I at least the movie for the first story, while reading it I was able to completely visualize everything. Your title for your portfolio speaks for itself.
ReplyDeleteHey David. I know I commented on your first story already but I just read your second one Step Brothers 2 and loved it. I feel that I couldn’t not like it because Step Brothers is one of my favorite movies, but I love how your portfolio is retelling stories also using movies to do so. I think that is extremely creative. I also think that you have done a great job setting up your portfolio. I think the backgrounds and pictures that you have used have all been really good. I was wondering though if you could maybe use a picture from the original Step Brothers Movie instead of just a random picture of Will Ferrell. I think that you did a great job in using references from the original movie and made them into your own story. I think that you are doing a fantastic job on this portfolio and I plan to read the next stories you release as well.
ReplyDeleteHey there, David
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio looks really good! That was the first thing that I noticed on your home page. The background image adds a lot of color and pleasing imagery. Your use of the color scheme was also really nice. I liked your first story a lot. I did not expect to read a Fast and Furious retelling! I have always liked those movies. I also thought the Paul Walker city council meeting video was hilarious. Your second story was awesome as well! I love Step Brothers and to see the characters in a story made me smile. I thought that all of the little quotes were really funny. The shark week comment at the end was incredible. That movie has so many comedic elements to pull from, and I think you were able to do just that. I think you are doing some great work here, and I would not change anything! I am looking forward to the next one.
Hi David!
ReplyDeleteFrom the title of your portfolio I can tell you are a very humble person. ;)
All jokes aside, I really do like your site. It's very clean and easy to navigate. The summaries of your stories on your home page are short and to the point, which I like.
Your stories are also unique and fun to read! Just from reading your stories, it's easy to tell you have a great sense of humor and are quite the creative writer. I really loved how you interviewed the two brothers in Stepbrothers 2. That was a very interesting writing style to choose, and you executed it very well.
I really enjoyed reading your stories. To expand your writing style even more you could even try writing from the perspective of a female character since there isn't a female character in either of your two stories so far!
Hey there David.
ReplyDeleteJust upon looking at your portfolio blog i really like the layout and how user-friendly it is. I could see all the stories that there are to read and get a little gist about what they are going to be about just from looking at the home page, I really like that. I may be biased too, but I like all the titles you have chosen for your work. I enjoy 30 for 30's and the fast and the furious movies so there ya go. I really loved the incorporation of a video with your third story, it really gave me the idea of what you were trying to go after with the story. Also, I loved that scene in Matilda, when the boy shows up the old scrooge of a lady. Really, I have to say your site was spot on. That being said I would not change a thing and just keep up the good work. I hope you have a few points left in the class to get because I would love to see another story of yours!
Hi David!
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be that I'm visiting your portfolio for the first time, and I really enjoyed all of your stories. I like how on the front page you have given small descriptions of each story to entice readers, and then the links are just clicking on them. I believe I have visited a page before where they also give small descriptions but then the links are at the the top of page, so this was a new way to organize that I hadn't seen before. My favorite story was "Step Brothers 2". I love how you incorporated something so modern into a story that was so old! This is also the first story I have ever read that also included a video link, so that was super unique. I think it's great that you were able to develop the characters from the perspective of Step Brothers with a completely different plot line, but also including elements from the original story. I don't really have much else to say other than you did a great job! Glad I was able to read your stories!
Hi David! I must admit your choice for the title names for your portfolio, as well as the stories, pretty much gave me no other choice than to read your stories. Fast and the Furious and Step Brothers are two of the most memorable movies growing up. I like how in the first story, You Never Had me, you added on from the original story and kind of made your own scene from there whenever Tran destroys Vin Diesel’s car. I was a bit skeptical of the stories at first but in the end I thought you did a great job of incorporating them from films. The story Step Brothers 2 was probably my favorite one because I like the way you did the dialogue from each perspective.Also, I really liked the way your page was set up but it did seem a little crammed. The videos you provided went along great with the stories and gave me flashbacks from the movie which was fun.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I have never read anything from your portfolio project until now, and I'm happy that I did! I was cracking up while reading your second story, Step Brothers 2. I was intrigued because I'm always singing Boats and Hoes, lol. I was so curious as to how you were going to tie mythology into your own version of the Step Brothers movie, but reading your author's note cleared things up. I thought the line about Adam Sandler cancelling as the wedding singer was very clever. The episode about Phil Collins trying to be mysterious was also hilarious.I definitely have not seen any other project as funny as yours. I stayed laughing until the very end when "something beautiful" was broken apart. It was also great that you tied in famous people today such as the Weeknd, because that makes the story much more relatable to your reader. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHi David! This was a really neat portfolio to read through, and I especially enjoyed how you used movie clips to enhance all your stories. I thought your first story was really creative — especially the setting and how you fit the Fast and the Furious in with your story. I was struggling a little to keep up with all the names you introduced (especially since I've never seen the movies), but overall I thought it was an interesting retelling! I really liked the second story. Though I've also never seen Step Brothers, this one seemed really clever. I did think, however, that it focused a lot on the story set-up, and not enough on the actual incident where the drumsticks were broken (which seems to be the focus of the original story you were retelling). I think your last story was my favorite — the 30-for-30 style really fit well and it was a great read! Overall, you have a really neat portfolio!
ReplyDeleteHey David!
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio was such a nice change of pace from a majority of the portfolios I have read. I loved that you used movies to inspire each story you wrote. I am a big Will Ferrell fan so of course the step brothers 2 story was no doubt my favorite. I enjoyed the way you made it like an interview or documentary style. I thought it was hilarious he punched the lead singer of nickleback in the face. There were a couple of words missing but I think that would be fixed by proof reading before you turn it in. Other than that I thought the story was hilarious and refreshing to read. I hope you had a good semester and I enjoyed your writing.
Hey David!
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project - and the title! I really like learning about other cultures' mythologies in general, and I think your idea to have stories based on Greek, Japanese, and Eskimo mythologies was very compelling. Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The dialogue in stories like "You Never Had Me" really helped the reader feel connected, as well. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps include more imagery so that the reader can visualize what your characters or settings look like at any given point. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your project!
Hey David,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece! It was very creative and unique and I was intrigued the whole time. I think that the picture you used also gave the reader a clear idea of what was going to happen in your portfolio. I really enjoyed your diversity in your stories because they all were different and even came from different backgrounds. My favorite story was the one named “step Brothers 2” I think that you did a great job making the reader feel interested and that the material was relevant. I think you should continue reading because you have a great way of putting words on a paper. Someone who can draw the reader in like that really should continue to bring new stories to the world. Good luck on dead week and finals and remember to keep writing even after this classes end and you graduate. Great job overall!
Hi David,
ReplyDeleteYou have done a really great job on your project this semester. This is my first time coming to your page, and I am disappointed, because it is awesome. I love the idea of Stepbrothers and 30 for 30. Some of the projects I go to are pretty boring and bland, but you did a good job of making yours fun to read. This is my last project feedback assignement of the semester, and I guess I really did save the best for last. I loved the title - "The Best Portfolio." That's a total powermove that only an alpha male could pull of. Great job on your project this semester. Glad I got the opportunity to see it and also comment and give feedback on it.
Brooks